I REALLY WANT DEADPOOL TO SHOW UP WITH THE AVENGERS AT SOME POINT AND NOT EVEN DO ANYTHING JUST KINDA BE REHEATING SOMETHING IN TONY’S MICROWAVE AND EVERYBODY’S ALL SERIOUS AND HE’S JUST EATING IN THE BACKGROUND AND NODDING ALONG AND THEN THEY ASK WHAT THE FUCK HE’S DOING THERE AND HE JUST CASUALLY JUMPS OUT THE WINDOW YELLING SOMETHING LIKE “SPIDEY CATCH ME” AND THEN YOU JUST HEAR A SPLAT AND HEAR HIM YELL “WHAT THE SHIT PARKER”
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At first I was impressed then I decided that this person was the worst kind of person
“That’s a pretty nifty style you’ve got there! I can tell you’ve been practicing it quite a bit, considering the imprints in the paper, but that just goes to show that-wait…oh, you son of a bitch.”
Greatest/worst thing ever just happened to me, so buckle up folks..it’s story time:
Girl on a dating app tells me in the first few messages that I’m really cute (true) and interesting (also true) and asks me to meet her at 1140am for coffee at a random McDonald’s. When I ask if she’s a 45 year old man trying to harvest my organs, she proceeds to send me 15 pictures in a row that look like they’re straight from Facebook. Because that’s how you convince somebody you’re real (not true).
Now normally I don’t accept propositions like this because I’m thinking “what’s the catch?” Well, I decide to live a little on the YOLO side…and since it’s right next to a Subway Sandwich shop I think that the worst that could happen is it’s a 45 year old lonely man, I give him a big hug because I know the feeling as a 25 year old lonely man, get a tasty sandwich, then go home. Apparently that was NOT the worst thing that could happen.
I show up. She shows up. She’s real. I’m surprised. I buy her coffee because I subscribe to traditional gender roles unless requested otherwise. She uses her McCafe frequent buyers card so she gets stamps. Its cute. While the guy is making her drink, she tells me to go find a table outside in the sun. I go outside and find the perfect goddamn table because I’m a romantic at heart. 5 minutes later. 10 minutes later. 15 minutes later. No girl. I text her the typical guy message “lol u get lost???”. No response. Turns out she took the coffee and left.
So I’m not saying it’s bad to leave a date if you feel uncomfortable or aren’t attracted to them. It’s totally your decision. But I don’t think that’s the case…I think this girl is a serial McCafe dater. And I don’t think this was her first time. It was too professional. Too clean. It was the perfect McHeist. And I’m starting to think I’m not even mad…she didn’t steal my credit card, or my organs. Just a few euros.
